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Buster Machine No. 25378
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About Zacalow

Age: 28
Gender: M
Location: Saint Charles, MI

Joined: 6 years ago on 12/12/11
Last Visit: 4 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

Public Photos

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  • You've viewed their Profile 740 times
Would You Hit It? Would Zacalow?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“ So I finally having internet at my house, it took ten years and it's pretty crappy but it's MINE!”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“ Watch/make fun of all the shows on the cooking channel. Hang out with friends and make movies from time to time (Really bad slasher flicks mostly)”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Mental Health Care Aid.... pretty much glorified babysitter -_-”

What's your dream job?

“ Movie Director, I get all the power and need none of the acting talent. Or Inquisitor would be nice”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“After drinking one night I ran around a cornfield shirtless swinging a friends mannequin around like a warhammer.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“I've seen some friends get badly burned by them, but I'd give it a shot.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Fairy Tail, Black Butler, Hellsing, Gundam SEED, Lunar Legend, Bleach, FMA, Ouran High School Host Club, and so many, many more.”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“I'm kind of sparatic when it comes to music, I listen to metal, pop, country, anime, techno, classic, rock, and even celtic bagpipes.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“Well I obvisouly watch anime, read manga, and play games. But I do in addition go to a few cons and play in RPs (I love being a GM ^^)”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“Always JAFAX, I might try a few others this year but that's the only guaranteed one.”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Dragon Age, Mass effect, any of the Final Fantasy series. Typically turn based RPGs or anything with a good storyline.”

Jaeger Assignment

Zacalow is currently piloting LUMBERJACK CUTTER with KrackMunkie

LUMBERJACK CUTTER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Taint-Mounted Staff Assault
  • Secret Ear Nippletwister Overload of Confusion

DOSSIER: Role is to perform overwhelming offense intended to annihilate the Kaiju by fucking up their reproductive organs. Certainly that one of its most infamous moments of the war occured during Operation Unstoppable Rumble when the pilots sacrificed two or three Shake Shacks in order to save its reputation. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may explode randomly, killing everybody inside, if either pilot is Mexican, which is really racist if you think about it. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by loving parents in the affluent suburbs of Hell itself. Somewhat affected by the death of his hamster guys that really knew how to party, in his own way. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole. It was at the age of 19 that he swore revenge. Reluctantly spent the next several hours fucking people up in a secret waterfall. Each suprisingly filthy yeast infection was a step away from the true mastery of self-control that his parents expected from him.

Found himself at Yale where he studied the best ways to get laid, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked success despite infuriating his best friend. Classified intel indicates most of the town was saved and the rest was pretty fucked-up to begin with so who cares really.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was immediately promoted to bat boy for the Mets by his first grade teacher.

Haters have described his sensual kissing style as "weak-ass dick-slapping", while others have described it as "seriously cool" and "some of the best stuff since Gen. George Patton sexually dominated a bus-load of orphaned babies."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.

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