grape_STARS

Age: 24
Gender: M
Location: , Texas

Joined: 9 years ago on 02/04/12
Last Visit: 9 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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grape_STARS is currently piloting FLAMING BASTARD with Dwarf Galaxy

FLAMING BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Predictable Cutlass
• Hundred-Haymaker Barrage

DOSSIER: Job is is to attack Kaiju and supply courageous tax advice to basically anybody who asks. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Nightmare, a plan to use an experimental, new doomsday device to ensure the designated hitter rule. May be vulnerable to alcohol. We can safely say that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Storm when the pilots sacrificed many condemned criminals in order to save some dude's record collection. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are smoking hot and have an unequaled ability to punch some Kaiju children.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of grain alcohol and gin. Life threw a fucking curveball when parents were killed by an evil warlord. It was at the age of 5 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Soon, he learned the art of oral hygeine. Each enchanting moment was a step toward the sensitive touching that that his sense of honor demanded.

Schooled at Sweet Valley High where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him. With a fighting style that combined the gassy outbursts of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with sensual passion, termed "Invincible Falcon Style", he soon gained the erections of his master.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked affair despite killing nearly anybody that gave a shit. Classified intel indicates most of the city was saved and the rest was incinerated.

In the aftermath of the grueling clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to potato peeler, first class by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.

"You, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the life or death situation at hand. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just wants to be loved.