Ikirus is currently piloting RESOURCEFUL DRAGON with Andrew
RESOURCEFUL DRAGON's special combat abilities are known to include:
Sexy Crossbow Volley of Retribution
Shoulder-Mounted Whip
DOSSIER: Job is to support civilians by upgrading their offensive power. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Secret Hogwarts, a plan to use an experimental, secret aggressive handjob technique to end this war for human survival. Sometimes, the pilots' parents have been awestruck by the pilots' masturbation habits. The only question facing these pilots, who everybody is pretty sure are direct blood relatives, is this: can they smash the Kaiju without murdering each other first?
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Homeless family provided a strict diet of cocaine and church-going. Existence threw a fucking curveball when goldfish were seduced by ninjas. It was at the age of 23 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Spent the next several seconds sleeping in a hidden field. Each withering day was a step away from the triumph that his parents expected from him.
Was accepted to Harvard despite being completely blind because his mother forced him to. With a fighting style that combined the sexual prowess of a bull with surprising power, termed "Invincible Hulk Style", he soon gained the praise of instructors.
After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane triumph despite impregnating his mother. According to survivors, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was pretty fucked-up to begin with so who cares really.
When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to General by some motherfucker with a bunch of medals on his chest.
"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at embracing my love if he started touching himself a little more. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."
Psyche eval recommendation: A rare blend of sensuality and passion.
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