planethalia

Age: 33
Gender: F
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 8 years ago on 05/18/12
Last Visit: 6 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 302 days from now

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planethalia is currently piloting GUARDIAN STALKER with Mr. Francis York Morgan

GUARDIAN STALKER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Shark's Mallet
• Billion-Nippletwister Thrust of Suffering

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support other Jaegers by fortifying their sensual capabilities. Classified rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Hogwarts, a plan to use a game-changing, truly astonishing nuclear weapon to end psoraisis. During the Battle Of Citizen's Bank Park, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to perform handjobs while simultaneously displaying outstanding oral hygiene. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may really bum you out every so often. One thing is certain: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and have one purpose, which is to crush some Kaiju reproductive organs.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Loving family provided a strict diet of organic vegetables and tough love. Life didn't really change much when parents were seduced by assassins. It was at the age of 19 that she swore revenge. Each erotic beat-down was a step toward the ultimate revenge that her parents expected from her.

Played first base for the Mets despite being completely blind because sometimes life is crazy like that.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her debut fight against a kaiju was a splendid failure despite killing basically everybody. Classified intel indicates most of the city was destroyed and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.

When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to Corporal by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.

Experts have described her Jaeger tactics style as "second-rate bullshit", while mostly everybody else has described it as "instant boner material" and "some of the toughest stuff since gonhorrea invaded nipples everywhere."

Psyche eval recommendation: Can excel with a little love.