Tender Roni

Age: 41
Gender: F
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Joined: 13 years ago on 08/06/04
Last Visit: 4 years ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Tender Roni is currently piloting EAGLE TORNADO with EL Sean

EAGLE TORNADO's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Shark's Boomerang
• Salvation Nippletwister

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to annihilate Kaiju and supply helpful massages to other Jaeger pilots. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Secret Unicorn, a plan to use a fucked-up, truly astonishing concentrated energy blast to ensure the designated hitter rule. Frequently, spiritual advisors have been awestruck by the pilots' intensity. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to really bum you out if the pilots don't really have their shit together. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they destroy the Kaiju without pulverizing each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of unconditional love and acceptance... and and beatings. Life didn't really change much when goldfish were fellated by her little brother. It was at the age of 5 that she had a sex change. Soon, she totally failed to unlock the art of drinking. Each grueling yeast infection was a step toward being less of an asshole that her parents expected from her.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite a painful recurring prolapse because sometimes life is crazy like that.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane affair despite falling in love with her mother. Classified intel indicates most of the city was saved and the rest was a goddamn mess.

Refusing to get a clue, she re-dedicated herself to drinking a lot and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

Critics have described her combat aptitude style as "weak-ass dick-slapping", while mostly everybody else has described it as "instant boner material" and "some of the best Jaeger piloting since my dad ravaged Barcelona."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling.