nope

Age: 38
Gender: F
Location: Toronto, ON

Joined: 14 years ago on 08/30/04
Last Visit: 5 years ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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nope is currently piloting STEAMY SABRETOOTH with BroBra

STEAMY SABRETOOTH's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Damnation Kick of Happiness
• Labia-Mounted Cutlass

DOSSIER: Role is is to upset Kaiju and supply perilous blowjobs to friendly forces. Perhaps historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Heroic Rimjob, during which most of Citizen's Bank Park was destroyed in an effort to blow off some steam. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are erotic and have an unequaled ability to aggressively fuck some Kaiju friends.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a drunken brawler. Father was one hell of a guy -- had the kind of pecs you'd kill for. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 23 that she discovered bathing. Each enchanting day was a step closer to becoming a true sexual being, and was all that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Was accepted to Harvard despite a total lack of bowel control because she was the one foretold by the prophecy.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up affair despite annoying the shit out of her mother. According to survivors, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was incinerated.

Following the touching clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to Corporal by a guy that wandered in off of the street and was pretty much just into promoting people.

"Son, you, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything Mommy said and react to the life or death situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just wants to be loved.