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Buster Machine No. 2995
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About Naskininja

Age: 29
Gender: F
Location: , Ontario

Joined: 15 years ago on 11/14/04
Last Visit: 6 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 400 days from now

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Jaeger Assignment

Naskininja is currently piloting DRAGON ASTEROID with sorata

DRAGON ASTEROID's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Penis-Mounted Black Hole Generator of Wrath
  • Steampowered Cudgel

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply courageous massages to friendly forces, even during the frenzy of undercover skirmishes. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Highway Panty Raid, a plan to use a game-changing, new boner pill to prolong Obamacare. Perhaps historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Resilient Ragnarok, during which most of Chicago was destroyed in an effort to relieve boredom. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to explode randomly, killing everybody inside, every so often. Everybody agrees: these pilots are heroic and nobody questions their dedication to general cleanliness.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by fairly normal parents in the idyllic foothills of an average American small town. At an early age, showed great aptitude for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with discipline. It was at the age of 19 that she discovered bathing. Eventually, she mastered the art of flower arranging. Each surpising lesson was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that her heart yearned for.

Educated at M.I.T. where she studied hand-to-hand combat, where it soon became apparent that she was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day. With a fighting style that combined the lewdness of a scampering ferret with frankly unnecessary sensuality, termed "Elegant Bastard Style", she soon gained the sensitive touchings of her master.

During one drunken night, she stole a Jaeger and her debut fight against a kaiju was a splendid success despite infuriating her copilot. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju with unmatched power and ferocity.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to potato peeler, first class by her first grade teacher.

"The thing is," says her commander, "She'd be a lot better at something other than this if she opened up her hearts. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."

Psyche eval recommendation: May be unfit for duty.

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