Kaziel

Age: 37
Gender: M
Location: Emeryville, CA

Joined: 13 years ago on 02/21/05
Last Visit: 7 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Kaziel is currently piloting SLASHER SHOCKER with TheColonel

SLASHER SHOCKER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Dynamite Wedgie Tantrum
• Butt-Mounted Sword

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash furious offense designed to destroy the Kaiju by destroying their emotions. In the past, homeless men have heaped praise upon the pilots' oral hygiene. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will really bum you out unless both pilots have been circumcised by the same doctors. Everybody agrees: these pilots are drunken and nobody questions their dedication to lovemaking abilities.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of love and religion. Life didn't really change much when goldfish were fellated by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 23 that he reached puberty. Gradually, he totally failed to unlock the techniques of martial arts. Each grueling fuck-up was a step away from becoming a true sexual being, and was all that that his sense of honor demanded.

Found himself at the school of hard knocks where he studied pretty much anything his voracious mind could consume, where it soon became apparent that he was probably destined to be homeless.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a completely insane success despite infuriating his mother. According to survivors, most of the town was saved and the rest was pretty fucked-up to begin with so who cares really.

Deciding to get a clue, he dedicated himself to opening his hearts to change and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

Jealous people have described his partying style as "second-rate ass-grabbing", while others have described it as "basically his new religion" and "some of the most heroic mayhem since Godzilla invaded most of my hometown."

Psyche eval recommendation: Could save us all someday.