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Kaoru27Umi

Buster Machine No. 3534
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About Kaoru27Umi

Age: 32
Gender: F
Location: Tokyo, Japan

Joined: 14 years ago on 03/27/05
Last Visit: 4 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Jaeger Assignment

Kaoru27Umi is currently piloting HAWK WHIPPERSNAPPER with Designated Driver

HAWK WHIPPERSNAPPER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Elbow-Mounted Whip
  • Elbow-Mounted Laser of Blood

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support civilians by improving their offensive power. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Rainbow Panty Raid, a plan to use an unbelievable, ancient nuclear weapon to decisively end psoraisis. During the Battle Of Citizen's Bank Park, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding combat effectivness. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are admirable and have one purpose, which is to piss all over some Kaiju children.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and intellectual stimulation. Existence threw a fucking curveball when parents were kidnapped by her little brother. It was at the age of 19 that she discovered bathing. Soon, she mastered the techniques of Hokuto Shinken. Each enchanting moment was a step closer to the triumph that her parents expected from her.

Was accepted to Harvard despite a painful recurring prolapse because her mother forced her to.

During one drunken night, she stole a Jaeger and her debut fight against a kaiju was a delightful affair despite killing Whoopi Goldberg. Classified intel indicates most of the city was saved and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to potato peeler, first class by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.

"Buddy, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you think you know and react to the fucked-up situation at hand. If you don't, the Earth is fucked. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.

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