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Buster Machine No. 3623
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About BaltimoreLauren

Age: 34
Gender: F
Location: , Maryland

Joined: 15 years ago on 04/08/05
Last Visit: 13 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 48 days from now

Public Photos

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  • You've viewed their Profile 8178 times
Would You Hit It? Would BaltimoreLauren?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I will talk your ear off about comic books. I also enjoy the finer things in life, like farting on people and drinking cheap beer!”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“Workout, drive all over the place, yell at my computer. ”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I do freelance work in comic books and I'm a personal trainer. ”

What's your dream job?

“To not need a job. ”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I once jumped into an elevator window. ”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“People I can get along with. ”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“I've become more open to the idea.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Cutie Honey, Sailor Moon, Black Jack, Lupin, Petshop of Horrors, Bleach”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“EVERYTHING! I love music! Just ask me!”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“I go to cons and I get drunk at cons and I dress up at cons while being drunk. At a con. :D”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“MAGFest, Asburry Park Comic Con, Wizard World Philly, Otakon, Baltimore Comic Con...I go to a lot of cons. ”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Mario, Imjustice, Mortal Kombat”

Jaeger Assignment

BaltimoreLauren is currently piloting PIONEER VIOLENCE with Nevyn

PIONEER VIOLENCE's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Luck Choke-Hold of Joyfulness
  • Inefficient Knuckles Inferno of Blood

DOSSIER: Job is is to confuse Kaiju and supply helpful counseling services to civilians. Cannot be damaged by gentle enemy attacks. Certainly historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Highway Asskicking, during which most of Texas was destroyed in an effort to ...well, for no apparent reason, but it looked really cool. In the past, other Jaeger pilots have expressed concern over the pilots' sexual health. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are smoking hot and have an unequaled ability to explode some Kaiju assholes.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of mom you wish you had. Father was a terrifying cyborg. Profoundly affected by the Kaiju murder of her favorite hobo lover at one really bizarre county fair. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 19 that she swore revenge. Reluctantly spent the next several seconds doing nothing in a secret abandoned rest stop. Each surpising fuck-up was a step away from the ultimate revenge that her heart yearned for.

Educated at Yale where she studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that she was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up crowd-pleaser despite killing her mother. Due to her actions, most of the city was saved and the rest was incinerated.

Refusing to get a clue, she dedicated herself to totally wussing out whenever possible and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

Haters have described her sensual kissing style as "embarrassing dick-slapping", while people who actually know what she's talking about have described it as "completely dope" and "some of the most heroic mayhem since gonhorrea ravaged nipples everywhere."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.

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