ZonbiNoEega

Age: 39
Gender: M
Location: Woodbridge, VA

Joined: 14 years ago on 04/27/05
Last Visit: 5 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 496 days from now

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ZonbiNoEega is currently piloting GOLDEN DANGER with kelldar

GOLDEN DANGER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Labia-Mounted Cannon
• Oblivion Haymaker

DOSSIER: Job is to perform strategic offense designed to pulverize the Kaiju by destroying their children. Often, spiritual advisors have wished that the pilots would improve their lovemaking abilities. One thing is certain: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and nobody questions their dedication to lovemaking abilities.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of organic vegetables and comic books. Deeply devastated by the conversion to Islam of grandmother guys that really knew how to party, in his own way. At an early age, showed no promise for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with chapped nipples. It was at the age of 19 that he reached puberty. Eventually, he mastered the secrets of baking. Each withering day was a step away from being less of an asshole that that his sense of honor demanded.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite being addicted to blowjobs because of his immense determination. With a fighting style that combined the lewdness of a drunken sailor with drunkenly unpredictable brutality, termed "Ferocious Falcon Style", he soon gained the erections of nudists.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked triumph despite "accidentally" killing Whoopi Goldberg. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with unmatched power and ferocity.

When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to the general's dogwalker by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.

"People need to understand, you can study the training videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything he taught you and react to the fucked-up situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, the Earth is fucked. Trust me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is probably a fucking maniac.