Wolf

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Bethlehem, PA

Joined: 14 years ago on 04/29/05
Last Visit: 9 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 365 days from now

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Wolf is currently piloting NARWHAL BADASS with Slagpit

NARWHAL BADASS's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Penis-Mounted Knife of Darkness
• Foot-Mounted Mallet

DOSSIER: Role is to unleash intense offense intended to attack the Kaiju by speed-humping their genitals. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Flagrant Panty Raid, a plan to use an unbelievable, ancient fried chicken recipe to hopefully end the designated hitter rule. At times, media pundits have expressed concern over the pilots' oral hygiene. One thing is certain: these pilots are admirable and nobody questions their dedication to dedication to asskicking.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a drunken brawler. Father was a homeless man. At an early age, showed much promise for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 6 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each suprisingly filthy fuck-up was a step closer to the triumph that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Unlocked his inner unicorn on the streets where he studied his own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that he was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked thing that legends are made of despite annoying the shit out of a bunch of innocent bystanders. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had absolutely zero friends.

Refusing to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he dedicated himself to totally wussing out whenever possible and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"People need to understand, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything you learned and adapt to the crazy situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one pilot who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.