StuntCock is currently piloting BUTTERED ERECTION with sykospark
BUTTERED ERECTION's special combat abilities are known to include:
Leopard's Headbutt Whirlwind
Surreal Sword
DOSSIER: Job is to perform sporadic offense intended to destroy the Kaiju by pulverizing their children. During the Battle Of Sydney, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to fuck shit up while simultaneously displaying outstanding masturbation habits. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are smoking hot and like nothing better than to smash some Kaiju limbs.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Loving family provided a strict diet of love and tough love. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 19 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each grueling beat-down was a step closer to the true mastery of self-control that his heart yearned for.
Truly blossomed on the streets where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was a once-in-a-lifetime talent.
During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a delightful success despite killing basically everybody. Classified intel indicates most of the city was saved and the rest was full of ungrateful assholes.
When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to bat boy for the Mets by some motherfucker with a bunch of medals on his chest.
"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot worse at everything if he opened up his hearts. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"
Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.
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