DRUNKEN FALCON's special combat abilities are known to include:
Labia-Mounted Missiles
Flaming Soup Ladle
DOSSIER: Likes to help friendly forces by improving their defensive capabilities. As we all know historians will eventually salute the pilots for their role in Operation Unstoppable Rumble, during which most of Texas was destroyed in an effort to relieve boredom. At times, commanding officers have complimented the pilots' choice of personal grooming habits. One thing is certain: these pilots are terrifying and have one purpose, which is to crush some Kaiju genitals.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by loving parents in the peaceful slums of Pittsburgh. Not all that affected by the death of family dog at the age of three. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with potty training. It was at the age of 6 that he discovered bathing. Each joyful beat-down was a step away from the ultimate revenge that his parents expected from him.
Schooled at Yale where he studied forbidden knowledge, where it soon became apparent that he was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.
After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a splendid thing that legends are made of despite falling in love with a bunch of nerds. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju that seemed to be addicted to heroin or something.
In the aftermath of the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was angrily promoted to the general's dogwalker by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.
"Buddy, you can study the training videos all you want," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there with a dick in your ass, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you learned and adapt to the life or death situation right in front of you. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. And trust me, this is one crazy asshole who understands that."
Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.
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