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redeye

Buster Machine No. 4412
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About redeye

Age: 43
Gender: M
Location: San Jose, CA

Joined: 15 years ago on 07/31/05
Last Visit: 15 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Jaeger Assignment

redeye is currently piloting STEAMY RUFFIAN with izilari

STEAMY RUFFIAN's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Raptor's Nippletwister
  • Scorpion's Scissor

DOSSIER: Role is to perform strategic offense intended to disable the Kaiju by fucking up their children. We can safely say historians will eventually salute the pilots for their role in Operation Unstoppable Rumble, during which most of London was destroyed in an effort to end this war. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are smoking hot and have one purpose, which is to destroy some Kaiju reproductive organs.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a sexy robot. Father was the kind of guy who didn't merely shit the bed - he rolled around in it as well.. At an early age, showed no promise for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with chapped nipple. It was at the age of 23 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Eventually, he mastered the secrets of sexual touching. Each grueling beat-down was a step closer to the ultimate revenge that his heart yearned for.

Slept with a village of hobos despite being addicted to blowjobs because his mother forced him to.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up affair despite annoying the shit out of his mother. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju that seemed to be addicted to heroin or something.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to Head Badass by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.

"People need to understand, you can study the training videos all you want," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything he taught you and react to the crazy situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Trust me, this is one crazy asshole who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.

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