Cognac Jack

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Murfreesboro, TN

Joined: 11 years ago on 08/02/05
Last Visit: 2 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 159 days from now

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Cognac Jack is currently piloting SPECTACULAR MERMAID with Captain Commando

SPECTACULAR MERMAID's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Butt-Mounted Boomerang
• Womb-Mounted Broadsword Assault

DOSSIER: Job is to supply sporadic offense intended to destroy the Kaiju by slaughtering their heads. Classified rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Frisky Hercules, a plan to use an experimental, truly astonishing fried chicken recipe to prolong struggle against Kaiju. Impervious to bad advice. During the Battle Of Yankee Stadium, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to look really cool while simultaneously displaying outstanding dedication to asskicking. The only question facing these pilots, who everybody is pretty sure are direct blood relatives, is this: can they kick the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Basically kind of hung out with wolves in the tranquil slums of Madagascar. Existence was transformed permanently when friends were kidnapped by ninjas. It was at the age of 19 that he had a sex change. Each suprisingly filthy day was a step away from the kind of shit that his heart yearned for.

Became high school valedictorian despite excessive body odor because of having nothing better to do.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane triumph despite falling in love with a bunch of nerds. This was achieved despite running away from a Kaiju that had killed some pretty tough bastards in the past.

Deciding to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he re-dedicated himself to essentially being a huge pussy and has no fucking idea what he's doing.

"People need to understand, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you learned and react to the crazy situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Trust me, this is one crazy asshole who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: A rare blend of sensuality and passion.