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colin.caret

Buster Machine No. 4674
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About colin.caret

Age: 41
Gender: M
Location: Nowhere, OK

Joined: 15 years ago on 09/05/05
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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Jaeger Assignment

colin.caret is currently piloting DRUNKEN EXCELLENCE with evol

DRUNKEN EXCELLENCE's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Buttered Blast
  • Satisfaction Kick

DOSSIER: Job is is to attack Kaiju and supply tricky tax advice to civilians. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Resilient Hercules, a plan to use an experimental, secret concentrated energy blast to ensure erectile dysfunction. The only question facing these pilots, who everybody is pretty sure are direct blood relatives, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without fingerbanging each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and intellectual stimulation. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with bubble farts. It was at the age of 5 that he reached puberty. Each suprisingly filthy beat-down was a step closer to becoming a true sexual being, and was all that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Unlocked his inner unicorn at Sweet Valley High where he studied economics, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him. With a fighting style that combined the spirit of a drunken sailor with frankly unnecessary passion, termed "Elegant Monkey Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of instructors.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a splendid affair despite "accidentally" killing nearly anybody that gave a shit. According to survivors, most of the city was saved and the rest was incinerated.

Refusing to rest on his laurels, he dedicated himself to partying like a true hero and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

Haters have described his partying style as "second-rate dick-slapping", while mostly everybody else has described it as "brutally effecient" and "some of the best Jaeger piloting since Arnold Schwartzeneggar ravaged my face."

Psyche eval recommendation: A rare blend of sensuality and passion.

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