emochu

Age: 38
Gender: M
Location: New York, NY

Joined: 15 years ago on 09/15/05
Last Visit: 3 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 67 days from now

• You've viewed their Profile 6931 times

[current user isn't logged in]

emochu is currently piloting GORILLA WILDEBEEST with kainemaxwell

GORILLA WILDEBEEST's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Thousand-Suckerpunch Assault
• Retribution Punch Thrust

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply ferocious massages to other Jaegers, even during the mayhem of undercover lovemaking. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Eruption, a plan to use an experimental, secret atomic missile to end psoraisis. During the Battle Of New York, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding alcohol tolerance. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they eradicate the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by some serious assholes in the peaceful swamps of Pittsburgh. At an early age, showed much promise for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 6 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Reluctantly spent the next several years fucking people up in a seriously shady homeless shelter. Each suprisingly filthy lesson was a step toward being less of an asshole that his parents expected from him.

Was accepted to Harvard despite being completely blind because of having nothing better to do. With a fighting style that combined the sexual prowess of a seasoned expert with frankly unnecessary passion, termed "Ferocious Armadillo Style", he soon gained the praise of commanders.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent crowd-pleaser despite impregnating basically everybody. Classified intel indicates most of the city was destroyed and the rest was pretty happy about it.

In the aftermath of the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to the general's dogwalker by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot better at not completely getting the shit kicked out of him if he hugged a puppy once in a while. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.