thetealappeal

Age: 33
Gender: F
Location: Philadelphia, PA

Joined: 14 years ago on 09/27/05
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Status: Airlocked
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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thetealappeal is currently piloting QUARTERBACK HAWK with Narell

QUARTERBACK HAWK's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Titanium Mallet
• Cosmic Broadsword Thrust

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply perilous tax advice to basically anybody who asks, even during the frenzy of sexual battles. Top-secret whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Secret Asshole, a plan to use a fucked-up, truly astonishing doomsday device to decisively end Obamacare. During the Battle Of Citizen's Bank Park, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to unleash devastating attacks while simultaneously displaying outstanding intensity. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to act like a total asshole if either pilot is Mexican, which is really racist if you think about it. One thing is certain: these pilots are heroic and have an unequaled ability to kick some Kaiju faces.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of popcorn and comic books. At an early age, showed much promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 5 that she discovered bathing. Each grueling beat-down was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that her parents expected from her.

Became high school valedictorian despite being completely blind because of her burning passion to succeed.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a delightful thing that legends are made of despite impregnating her mother. Classified intel indicates most of the town was destroyed and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.

Refusing to get a clue, she dedicated herself to shaving her pubes and has been making some pretty good progress.

"Son, you, you can study the training videos all you want," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there fighting, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the new situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Believe me, this is one pilot who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is probably a fucking maniac.