Horse's Ass

Age: 37
Gender: M
Location: Burtonsville, MD

Joined: 15 years ago on 01/10/06
Last Visit: 18 months ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Horse's Ass is currently piloting CREEPY FIRESTORM with Kei

CREEPY FIRESTORM's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Mysterious Blaster Penetation
• Erotic Blaster Whirlwind

DOSSIER: Job is is to supply helpful blowjobs to other Jaegers, even during the heartbreak of sexual battles. During the Battle Of Philadelphia, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to provide inspirational speeches while simultaneously displaying outstanding dedication to asskicking. Frequently, spiritual advisors have envied the pilots' combat effectivness. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they piss all over the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was a terrifying cyborg. At an early age, showed no promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole.. It was at the age of 23 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Reluctantly spent the next several years doing nothing in a filthy comic book store. Each suprisingly filthy beat-down was a step closer to the triumph that his heart yearned for.

Was accepted to Harvard despite being completely blind because sometimes life is crazy like that.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent success despite annoying the shit out of a bunch of nerds. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was saved and the rest was pretty happy about it.

Refusing to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he re-dedicated himself to square dancing and has no fucking idea what he's doing.

"Listen up, rookie, you can read the textbooks all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there with a dick in your ass, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the new situation at hand. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. And trust me, this is one crazy asshole who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.