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john william

Buster Machine No. 5534
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About john william

Age: 32
Gender: M
Location: Portland, OR

Joined: 8 years ago on 02/17/06
Last Visit: 44 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 996 days from now

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I'm an eighth level mathemagician.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“I play music and I enter greased man bikini contests.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“kiss for money”

What's your dream job?

“rock star”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“Laughter died for me the day I found out I had cancer”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Someone who wants to cook and clean and do whatever I say. Also, sex on the first date. Like seriously. ”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“How do you right hook someone who is hundreds of miles away?”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Manga: Akira, Nausica, Anime: The Big O, Fooly Cooly”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Mostly indie-rock type of stuff, especially my band, which is the most awesome fargin' shyeet you've ever heard in your life.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“I force whatever girl I'm with at the time to dress up like anime characters during sex.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“I'll be at Anime Expo 07, you villains!”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Lunar, GTA, Halo, Grandia, Splinter Cell”

XBox Live! Gamertag

“mr moz”

Other Online Gaming Info

“Halo, Street fighter, strip poker on my webcam”

Jaeger Assignment

john william is currently piloting MASCULINE SHOCKER with Daria

MASCULINE SHOCKER's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Hummingbird's Gauntlet
  • Thousand-Dropkick Attack

DOSSIER: Job is to support friendly forces by augmenting their long-range detection capabilities. Frequently, the pilots' parents have been awestruck by the pilots' alcohol tolerance. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will cause incurable cancer every so often. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they break the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a secretary. Father was one hell of a guy -- had the kind of pecs you'd kill for. Life threw a fucking curveball when nipples were eaten by assassins. It was at the age of 5 that he reached puberty. Each surpising beat-down was a step away from the kind of shit that that his sense of honor demanded.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because of his burning passion to succeed.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing affair despite "accidentally" killing his best friend. Due to his actions, most of the city was saved and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.

Refusing to get a clue, he re-dedicated himself to attempting to pilot his Jaeger sober and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"People need to understand, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there with a dick in your ass, and you have an unexpected orgasm you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the new situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Can excel with a little love.

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