Phaedra is currently piloting WONDROUS GOITER with John Booty
WONDROUS GOITER's special combat abilities are known to include:
Crimson Nippletwister
Spectacular Suckerpunch of Doom
DOSSIER: Likes to help other Jaeger pilots by fortifying their party capabilities. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Flagrant Sword, a plan to use a fucked-up, ancient fried chicken recipe to end erectile dysfunction. Cannot be damaged by violent attacks. During the Battle Of Yankee Stadium, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding lovemaking abilities. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to cause incurable cancer if the pilots don't really have their shit together. The only question facing these pilots, who nobody has ever fucking heard of before, is this: can they fingerbang the Kaiju without destroying each other first?
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by mongooses in the dangerous foothills of New York. Life didn't really change much when nipples were kidnapped by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 6 that she swore revenge. Eventually, she learned the techniques of baking. Each joyful beat-down was a step away from the triumph that most people would stay the fuck away from.
Unlocked her inner unicorn on the streets where she studied Eastern religion, where it soon became apparent that she was a true genius.
After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane affair despite "accidentally" killing nearly anybody that gave a shit. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.
Refusing to listen to everybody else for a change, she re-dedicated herself to totally wussing out whenever possible and has no fucking idea what she's doing.
"The thing is," says her commander, "She'd be a lot worse at not completely getting the shit kicked out of her if she hugged a puppy once in a while. Ah, what are you going to do? Life is crazy like that."
Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.
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