xoring

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Silver Spring, MD

Joined: 13 years ago on 04/15/06
Last Visit: 13 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 427 days from now

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xoring is currently piloting LUMBERJACK DEFIANCE with K-Devil

LUMBERJACK DEFIANCE's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Penis-Mounted Black Hole Generator of Playfulness
• Triple-Bash Tantrum Assault

DOSSIER: Role is is to supply much-needed tax advice to soldiers, even during the heartbreak of full-force combat. Top-secret scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Defiant Unicorn, a plan to use an unbelievable, truly astonishing fried chicken recipe to prolong Obamacare. Impervious to alcohol. Certainly that one of its most celebrated moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Asshole when the pilots sacrificed nearly all of the Earth's homeless drunks in order to save this one guy who turned out to not even really be that important. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are erotic and have an unequaled ability to piss all over some Kaiju assholes.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of 'earthy' lesbian that has huge arms and is really into the Indigo Girls. Father was deeply in love with her. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 6 that he had a sex change. Each grueling lesson was a step closer to the triumph that that his sense of honor demanded.

Slept with a village of hobos despite being addicted to blowjobs because sometimes life is crazy like that.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up affair despite killing a bunch of nerds. According to survivors, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was covered in blood.

In the aftermath of the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was angrily promoted to Chief Asskicker by his commanding officer.

"People need to understand, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all you want," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and half of your robot is on fire and the other half is severely damaged you better forget everything Mommy said and react to the life or death situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, somebody's going to get pregnant. And trust me, this is one crazy asshole who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.