The Kareem of Wheat

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Washington, DC

Joined: 7 years ago on 05/21/06
Last Visit: 1 hour ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 33 days from now

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The Kareem of Wheat is currently piloting SWAGGERING HERO with Ratnax

SWAGGERING HERO's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Sexuality Bash of Salvation
• Drunken Nippletwister

DOSSIER: Job is to support civilians by fortifying their long-range detection capabilities. As we all know historians will eventually celebrate the pilots for their role in Operation Secret Hogwarts, during which most of Sydney was destroyed in an effort to relieve boredom. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they aggressively fuck the Kaiju without destroying each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Homeless family provided a strict diet of old martial arts movies and religion. At an early age, showed no promise for playing the piano, but struggled with with discipline. It was at the age of 5 that he swore revenge. Each sexual yeast infection was a step toward the ultimate revenge that his parents expected from him.

Became high school valedictorian despite a total lack of bowel control because he was the one foretold by the prophecy.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up thing that legends are made of despite impregnating nearly anybody that gave a shit. Classified intel indicates most of the town was destroyed and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.

Refusing to rest on his laurels, he re-dedicated himself to curing AIDS and has no fucking idea what he's doing.

"Listen up, rookie, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there with a dick in your ass, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you learned and react to the fucked-up situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, everybody's going to think you're a pussy. Trust me, this is one soldier who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.