KiwiDork

Age: 31
Gender: F
Location: Franklin Furnace, OH

Joined: 13 years ago on 07/05/06
Last Visit: 8 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 500 days from now

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KiwiDork is currently piloting COURAGEOUS CUPCAKE with Trigo

COURAGEOUS CUPCAKE's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Robust Laser
• Flaming Strike

DOSSIER: Role is is to supply much-needed repair services to basically anybody who asks, even during the heartbreak of night-time skirmishes. Classified scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Asskicking, a plan to use an experimental, secret fried chicken recipe to decisively end this war for human survival. During the Battle Of Mexico, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to boost the morale of everybody around them while simultaneously displaying outstanding oral hygiene. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will explode randomly, killing everybody inside, if the pilots don't really have their shit together. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are heroic and nobody questions their dedication to masturbation habits.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of love and beatings. At an early age, showed no promise for playing the piano, but struggled with with boner control. It was at the age of 23 that she discovered bathing. Decided to spend the next several years training her guts out in a hidden toy store. Each erotic day was a step toward becoming a true sexual being, and was all that her heart yearned for.

Schooled at Stanford where she studied pretty much anything her voracious mind could consume, where it soon became apparent that she was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.

During one drunken night, she stole a Jaeger and her debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent failure despite infuriating Whoopi Goldberg. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.

Deciding to learn a lesson, she re-dedicated herself to attempting to pilot her Jaeger sober and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"The thing is," says her commander, "She'd be a lot worse at everything if she hugged a puppy once in a while. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.