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Andrew

Buster Machine No. 7042
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About Andrew

Age: 27
Gender: M
Location: New York, NY

Joined: 7 years ago on 10/23/06
Last Visit: 22 hours ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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  • You've viewed their Profile 6539 times
Would You Hit It? Would Andrew?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I live on the divide between class and crass, being both artsy and fartsy.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

What do you do for fun?

“I enjoy reading, singing, listening to NPR, and playing video games and tabletop RPGs. It is no coincidence that pretty much all of these play well with drinking.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I'm a loan officer (NMLS #391490) for a residential mortgage lender.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“This badge here says, "Best Kisser '07 - '10." I say FOUR MORE YEARS.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Are you pun-tolerant? Do you argue for fun? Is your credit score 600 or higher? You may already qualify!”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“As long as you see each other enough to not post "OH GOD MY LONGING KNOWS NO BOUNDS" on your LiveJournals, things should be fine. See what you can do with whatever hand you're dealt.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Evangelion, His and Her Circumstances, Great Teacher Onizuka, Azumanga Daioh, Yotsuba&!, Nadesico, FLCL, Ebichu”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“The best music makes you break the speed limit without knowing it.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“FACT: We will make out at Bootycon.”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Metal Gear Solid, Civilization / Alpha Centauri, Half-Life, Katamari, Portal, Fallout”

Steam Nickname

“Andrew [OB]”

XBox Live! Gamertag

“Andrew Knapik”

Other Online Gaming Info

“EVE Online - Knapik Dalt”

Jaeger Assignment

Andrew is currently piloting RESOURCEFUL DRAGON with Ikirus

RESOURCEFUL DRAGON's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Sexy Crossbow Volley of Retribution
  • Shoulder-Mounted Whip

DOSSIER: Job is to support civilians by upgrading their offensive power. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Secret Hogwarts, a plan to use an experimental, secret aggressive handjob technique to end this war for human survival. Sometimes, the pilots' parents have been awestruck by the pilots' masturbation habits. The only question facing these pilots, who everybody is pretty sure are direct blood relatives, is this: can they smash the Kaiju without murdering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of daily swordfighting lessons and religion. Existence didn't really change much when imaginary friends were kidnapped by ninjas. It was at the age of 19 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Reluctantly spent the next several seconds battling for his life in a filthy alley. Each erotic lesson was a step closer to being less of an asshole that his heart yearned for.

Truly blossomed on the streets where he studied hand-to-hand combat, where it soon became apparent that he was the type of person that never gets invited to parties.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked failure despite impregnating everybody in the Western Hemisphere. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.

When the dust settled after the heroic but sort of misguided clusterfuck, pilot was immediately promoted to bat boy for the Mets by a guy that wandered in off of the street and was pretty much just into promoting people.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot better at fucking up some fucking Kaiju if he stopped being an asshole. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Could save us all someday.

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