bambiffpow

Age: 40
Gender: M
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 13 years ago on 11/15/06
Last Visit: 10 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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bambiffpow is currently piloting HAWK FALCON with instructions

HAWK FALCON's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Penis-Mounted Laser
• Thousand-Strike Festival

DOSSIER: Job is is to embarrass Kaiju and supply tricky tax advice to other Jaeger pilots. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to perform like a real pussy every so often. One thing is certain: these pilots are smoking hot and nobody questions their dedication to dedication to partying.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of unconditional love and acceptance... and and intellectual stimulation. Existence didn't really change much when nipples were eaten by his little brother. It was at the age of 6 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Gradually, he mastered the techniques of oral hygeine. Each enchanting lesson was a step away from the sensitive touching that his heart yearned for.

Schooled by the school of life where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him. With a fighting style that combined the sexual prowess of a tiger with frankly unnecessary levels of violence, termed "Elegant Tiger Style", he soon gained the erections of pretentious assholes everywhere.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a delightful success despite falling in love with everybody in the Western Hemisphere. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.

Following the touching battle, pilot was immediately promoted to General by by popular demand.

"Son, you, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything Mommy said and adapt to the crazy situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. Believe me, this is one pilot who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.