jonastio

Age: 43
Gender: M
Location: Tallahassee, FL

Joined: 12 years ago on 01/11/07
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 482 days from now

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jonastio is currently piloting AVENGER BLACKJACK with Ophelia

AVENGER BLACKJACK's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Labia-Mounted Missiles Barrage
• Panda's Blaster

DOSSIER: Job is is to supply much-needed massages to other Jaegers, even during the melancholy of sexual skirmishes. Top-secret whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Derelict, a plan to use a fucked-up, truly astonishing violent sexual onslaught to prolong psoraisis. Impervious to emotions. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may really bum you out just when the pilots are starting to have fun. One thing is certain: these pilots are heroic and have an unequaled ability to piss all over some Kaiju assholes.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Raised by loving parents in the peaceful suburbs of Madagascar. Existence was transformed permanently when nipples were kidnapped by giant robots, which is kind of a recurring hime here. It was at the age of 23 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Spent the next several seconds sleeping in a filthy toy store. Each grueling yeast infection was a step closer to the ultimate revenge that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Mentored by the greatest Jaeger pilot of all time despite a total lack of bowel control because he was the one foretold by the prophecy.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a completely insane failure despite annoying the shit out of his mother. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was saved and the rest was burned to the ground.

Following the touching clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to potato peeler, first class by his first grade teacher.

"You, you can study the training videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you think you know and react to the crazy situation at hand. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. And trust me, this is one soldier who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just wants to be loved.