aUdioquark

Age: 27
Gender: F
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Joined: 8 years ago on 01/17/07
Last Visit: 3 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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aUdioquark is currently piloting PATRIOT MAYHEM with Zanial

PATRIOT MAYHEM's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Raging Flamethrower
• Hornet's Scissor

DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support friendly forces by augmenting their offensive power. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are drunken and nobody questions their dedication to alcohol tolerance.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a migrant worker. Father was the kind of guy who didn't merely shit the bed - he rolled around in it as well.. At an early age, showed much promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with bubble farts. It was at the age of 6 that she stopped being a huge pussy. Soon, she totally failed to unlock the secrets of baking. Each sexual fuck-up was a step toward the sensitive touching that her heart yearned for.

Schooled in a den of thieves where she studied her own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that she was a once-in-a-lifetime talent.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, her debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked success despite killing her best friend. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju that had pretty much no fucking clue at all.

In the aftermath of the heroic but sort of misguided battle, pilot was angrily promoted to Head Badass by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

"The thing is," says her best friend, "She'd be a lot better at not completely getting the shit kicked out of her if she stopped being an asshole. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Promote immediately.