Oliphaunt

Age: 40
Gender: M
Location: Edmonton, AB

Joined: 13 years ago on 01/29/07
Last Visit: 7 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 364 days from now

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Oliphaunt is currently piloting WOMBAT BASTARD with Devil Fruit Bubble Tea

WOMBAT BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Ill-Advised Knuckles
• Joyfulness Tackle

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to pulverize Kaiju and supply ferocious massages to civilians. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Asskicking, a plan to use a fucked-up, truly astonishing nuclear weapon to end Obamacare. May be vulnerable to party drugs. During the Battle Of London, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to remain calm while simultaneously displaying outstanding general cleanliness. The only question facing these pilots, who everybody is pretty sure are direct blood relatives, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by robots in the peaceful suburbs of Mexico City. Not really affected by the cyborg conversion of father when all he wanted was some ice cream. At an early age, showed no promise for playing the piano, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 5 that he discovered bathing. Each surpising day was a step toward the kind of shit that his heart yearned for.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because of his immense determination.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked thing that legends are made of despite falling in love with nearly anybody that gave a shit. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with unmatched power and ferocity.

Refusing to get a clue, he dedicated himself to shaving his pubes and is basically doing alright.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at fucking up some fucking Kaiju if he took my dick out of his mouth once in a while. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.