Voyager

Age: 32
Gender: M
Location: East Brunswick, NJ

Joined: 13 years ago on 02/21/07
Last Visit: 2 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 303 days from now

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Voyager is currently piloting ALLURING PASSION with indiana

ALLURING PASSION's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Untamed Butt Jump-Kick
• Sexy Bomb Inferno

DOSSIER: Role is is to destroy Kaiju and supply suicidally-insane massages to other Jaegers. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Magical Nightmare, a plan to use a fucked-up, new atomic missile to hopefully end inflation. Certainly that one of its most infamous moments of the war occured during Operation Resilient Cumberbatch when the pilots sacrificed several thousand leading scientists in order to save some dude's record collection. At times, other Jaeger pilots have expressed concern over the pilots' alcohol tolerance. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will cause incurable cancer just when the pilots are starting to have fun. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they break the Kaiju without murdering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of 'earthy' lesbian that has huge arms and is really into the Indigo Girls. Father was an arms dealer. Life didn't really change much when parents were killed by an evil warlord. It was at the age of 6 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each enchanting lesson was a step away from the true mastery of self-control that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Befriended a troupe of playful cats despite excessive body odor because his mother forced him to. With a fighting style that combined the lewdness of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with senseless sensuality, termed "Invincible Bastard Style", he soon gained the attention of pretty much everybody.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a fucked-up affair despite infuriating nearly anybody that gave a shit. Due to his actions, most of the city was saved and the rest was pretty happy about it.

Refusing to learn a lesson, he dedicated himself to totally wussing out whenever possible and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"Listen up, rookie, you can study the training videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there fighting, and half of your robot is on fire and the other half is severely damaged you better forget everything Mommy said and react to the crazy situation at hand. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. Believe me, this is one soldier who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling.