Johnny Landmine

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: , Osaka

Joined: 11 years ago on 03/03/07
Last Visit: 2 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

View all public photos... (8 total)

• You've viewed their Profile 7249 times

[current user isn't logged in]

Johnny Landmine is currently piloting SPICY BEEFCAKE with Darth Gnosis

SPICY BEEFCAKE's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Mustache-Mounted Beam Overload
• Thousand-Kick Tantrum

DOSSIER: Likes to help soldiers by augmenting their weapons capabilities. Perhaps that one of its most controversial moments of the war occured during Operation Defiant Hogwarts when the pilots sacrificed several hundred cancer patients in order to save the oldest remaining public library in Topeka. Everybody agrees: these pilots are admirable and have one purpose, which is to piss all over some Kaiju friends.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of mom you wish you had. Father was a mild-mannered librarian. Existence was transformed permanently when friends were eaten by ninjas. It was at the age of 23 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Soon, he learned the secrets of sexual touching. Each enchanting fuck-up was a step closer to the true mastery of self-control that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Became high school valedictorian despite refusing to talk about anything besides collecting Pokemon because of his immense determination.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent failure despite killing nearly anybody that gave a shit. Classified intel indicates most of the town was saved and the rest was a goddamn mess.

Deciding to rest on his laurels, he re-dedicated himself to drinking a lot and and is, frankly, not having a lot of success.

"Buddy, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything he taught you and adapt to the new situation even if you're pretty sure you're hallucinating. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. Trust me, this is one soldier who has mastered that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.