Colbalt Kodachi

Age: 36
Gender: M
Location: Lansing, MI

Joined: 13 years ago on 03/08/07
Last Visit: 4 years ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 2 days from now

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Colbalt Kodachi is currently piloting MOIST BRAWLER with Chib

MOIST BRAWLER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Breast-Mounted Mallet
• Million-Nippletwister Barrage of Happiness

DOSSIER: Role is to perform strategic offense designed to destroy the Kaiju by fucking up their reproductive organs. Top-secret scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Frisky Nightmare, a plan to use a game-changing, secret aggressive handjob technique to end Obamacare. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that it tends to act like a total asshole if the pilots don't really have their shit together. The only question facing these pilots, who are simmering with sexual tension, is this: can they smash the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by robots in the affluent foothills of New York. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 6 that he had a sex change. As time progressed, he mastered the art of baking. Each withering moment was a step closer to the kind of shit that his parents expected from him.

Actually managed to finally make make a friend despite a total lack of bowel control because of having nothing better to do. With a fighting style that combined the aroma of a bull with surprising brutality, termed "Elegant Monkey Style", he soon gained the admiration of pretentious assholes everywhere.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane triumph despite infuriating the old lady down the block. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.

When the dust settled after the grueling clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to bat boy for the Mets by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.

Experts have described his robot piloting style as "amateur weaksauce", while others have described it as "brutally effecient" and "some of the coolest mayhem since my dad destroyed all of my friends."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.