Maxwell's Silver Hammer is currently piloting CURSED COWBOY with Magentaa
CURSED COWBOY's special combat abilities are known to include:
Billion-Strike Attack
Groin-Mounted Needle of Despair
DOSSIER: Primary function is is to attack Kaiju and supply courageous repair services to soldiers. May be vulnerable to melancholy. Everybody agrees: these pilots are drunken and nobody questions their dedication to alcohol tolerance.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a famous CEO. Father was deeply in love with her. Somewhat affected by the conversion to Islam of his hamster at the age of three. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with potty training. It was at the age of 19 that he discovered bathing. Each sexual moment was a step toward the true mastery of self-control that his parents expected from him.
Unlocked his inner unicorn at M.I.T. where he studied forbidden knowledge, where it soon became apparent that he was probably destined to be homeless. With a fighting style that combined the sexual prowess of a drunken sailor with never-before-seen speed, termed "Elegant Elephant Style", he soon gained the sensitive touchings of nudists.
During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent failure despite infuriating his mother. Due to his actions, most of the city was destroyed and the rest was consumed by Biebermania.
Refusing to get a clue, he dedicated himself to totally wussing out whenever possible and has no fucking idea what he's doing.
"Listen up, rookie, you can study the training videos all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there partying, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything Mommy said and react to the life or death situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, the Earth is fucked. And trust me, this is one soldier who has mastered that."
Psyche eval recommendation: Can excel with a little love.
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