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Buster Machine No. 1304
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About bluefirecracker

Age: 46
Gender: M
Location: Santa Monica, CA

Joined: 16 years ago on 01/07/04
Last Visit: 11 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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  • You've viewed their Profile 10978 times
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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out.... etc etc etc.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Stalkers, low-lifes, criminals and assorted naer-do-wells.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Jaeger Assignment

bluefirecracker is currently piloting MASCULINE BEEFCAKE with liquid nia

MASCULINE BEEFCAKE's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Suffering Pound Thrust
  • Intoxicated Caress

DOSSIER: Job is is to insult Kaiju and supply much-needed tax advice to other Jaeger pilots. Impervious to bad advice. As we all know that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Resilient Sword when the pilots sacrificed several thousand Shake Shacks in order to save a fellow Jaeger pilot. Often, media pundits have envied the pilots' dedication to asskicking. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may perform like a real pussy if either pilot is Mexican, which is really racist if you think about it. Everybody agrees: these pilots are heroic and have one purpose, which is to punch some Kaiju emotions.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was a drug lord. Not really affected by the murder of grandmother at one really bizarre county fair. At an early age, showed no promise for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with discipline. It was at the age of 19 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Gradually, he totally failed to unlock the secrets of martial arts. Each withering beat-down was a step toward becoming a true sexual being, and was all that that his sense of honor demanded.

Unlocked his inner unicorn at Sweet Valley High where he studied the best ways to get laid, where it soon became apparent that he was a true genius.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked thing that legends are made of despite infuriating Whoopi Goldberg. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju a code name of "Ass Chuckle" which meant nobody really took it seriously, despite the fact that it was actually pretty tough.

Refusing to learn a lesson, he re-dedicated himself to essentially being a huge pussy and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected.

"The thing is," says his commander, "He'd be a lot worse at something other than this if he stopped being an asshole. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Can excel with a little love.

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