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Buster Machine No. 1342
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About squallsoft

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: Wilmington, DE

Joined: 16 years ago on 02/19/04
Last Visit: 9 months ago
Type: Founding Member (Lifetime)
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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Jaeger Assignment

squallsoft is currently piloting SAVIOR KANSAI with Honey Badger

SAVIOR KANSAI's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Three-Way Knife
  • Penis-Mounted Knife of Knowledge

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash lightning-like offense intended to attack the Kaiju by fingerbanging their friends. Perhaps that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Magical Derelict when the pilots sacrificed many Shake Shacks in order to save a couple of beat-up Chevy Malibus. Everybody agrees: these pilots are drunken and have an unequaled ability to eradicate some Kaiju emotions.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by fairly normal parents in the dangerous slums of Madagascar. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with potty training. It was at the age of 5 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Reluctantly spent the next several years fighting for survival in a seriously shady homeless shelter. Each enchanting fuck-up was a step away from the true mastery of self-control that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Unlocked his inner unicorn at Stanford where he studied martial arts, where it soon became apparent that he was a once-in-a-lifetime talent.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent thing that legends are made of despite falling in love with his copilot. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.

Following the grueling clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to bat boy for the Mets by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.

"The thing is," says a homeless guy we spoke to, "He'd be a lot better at shit in general if he started touching himself a little more. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Is probably a fucking maniac.

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