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Buster Machine No. 16269
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About HeavyArmsDan

Age: 37
Gender: M
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 14 years ago on 05/02/08
Last Visit: 5 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

Public Photos

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“The infection has been removed, the soul of this machine has improved.”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

What do you do for fun?

“Learning at a geometric rate, removing human decisions from strategic defense”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Serve the public trust, protect the innocent, uphold the law.”

What's your dream job?


Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I have detailed files on human anatomy”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Cybernetic organisms with living tissue under metal endoskeleton”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?


Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Industrial and Heavy Metal/Hard Rock, i.e. KMFDM, Ministry, Front 242, Combichrist, NIN, Revolting Cocks, Metallica, Static-X, Slayer, AC/DC, Dethklok, Fear Factory, just to name a few.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“Anime Central, Dragon*Con, BootyCon”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Team Fortress 2, Half Life series, World In Conflict, Company of Heroes, Deus Ex”

Steam Nickname


XBox Live! Gamertag

“Obsolete Ikon”

Other Online Gaming Info

“Team Fortress 2,Battlefield Bad Company 2, Fallout 3, Company of Heroes”

Jaeger Assignment

HeavyArmsDan is currently piloting THROBBING ROBO with Squee

THROBBING ROBO's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Quivering Wedgie
  • Mustache-Mounted Mallet Armageddeon

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to confuse Kaiju and supply suicidally-insane massages to other Jaeger pilots. One thing is certain: these pilots are fun-loving and have one purpose, which is to break some Kaiju reproductive organs.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Adopted by wolves in the affluent suburbs of Pittsburgh. At an early age, showed no promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 6 that he reached puberty. Spent the next several seconds fighting for survival in a hidden youth hostel. Each joyful fuck-up was a step away from the kind of shit that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because people figured the world was ending anyway, so who cares?.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a rousing failure despite falling in love with Whoopi Goldberg. Thanks to his efforts, most of the city was saved and the rest was pretty happy about it.

In the aftermath of the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

So-called experts have described his combat aptitude style as "second-rate weaksauce", while mostly everybody else has described it as "instant boner material" and "some of the best mayhem since Bruce Lee destroyed most of my hometown."

Psyche eval recommendation: Is gonna run this whole goddamn army someday.

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