coopaloop

Age: 33
Gender: M
Location: Los Angeles, CA

Joined: 10 years ago on 01/13/09
Last Visit: 45 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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coopaloop is currently piloting ERECTION BLITZKRIEG with Nostalgia

ERECTION BLITZKRIEG's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Triple-Chop Raid
• Multiple Whip

DOSSIER: Role is is to insult Kaiju and supply much-needed blowjobs to other Jaegers. We can safely say that one of its most celebrated moments of the war occured during Operation Magical Eruption when the pilots sacrificed many abortion clinics in order to save money on car insurance. One thing is certain: these pilots are seriously bad-ass and live to aggressively fuck some Kaiju limbs.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was deeply in love with her. Not all that affected by the conversion to Islam of father at one really bizarre county fair. At an early age, showed great aptitude for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with bubble farts. It was at the age of 23 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each grueling lesson was a step closer to the sensitive touching that his parents expected from him.

Unlocked his inner unicorn by the school of life where he studied Eastern religion, where it soon became apparent that he was probably destined to be homeless. With a fighting style that combined the aroma of a scampering ferret with frankly unnecessary speed, termed "Elegant Bastard Style", he soon gained the admiration of pretty much everybody.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent crowd-pleaser despite falling in love with Whoopi Goldberg. Thanks to his efforts, most of the town was saved and the rest was full of ungrateful assholes.

Deciding to listen to everybody else for a change, he re-dedicated himself to becoming even more of a badass and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at embracing my love if he stopped being an asshole. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.