soaze Buster Machine No. 2139
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About soaze Age: 33 Gender: M Location: New York, NY Joined: 14 years ago on 05/22/04 Last Visit: 30 days ago Type: Gold Member Paid Member Privileges: None
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soaze is currently piloting
HAMBURGER BASTARD with Misuzu
HAMBURGER BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:
Confusing Cudgel Armageddeon Dolphin's Cutlass
DOSSIER: Avoids direct combat and prefers to support basically anybody who asks by fortifying their offensive capabilities. Top-secret rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Sword, a plan to use an unbelievable, ancient violent sexual onslaught to hopefully end the designated hitter rule. Certainly historians will eventually salute the pilots for their role in Operation Resilient Hogwarts, during which most of Washington D.C. was destroyed in an effort to blow off some steam. At times, the pilots' parents have heaped praise upon the pilots' combat effectivness. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may act like a total asshole if the pilots don't really have their shit together. One thing is certain: these pilots are fun-loving and nobody questions their dedication to masturbation habits.
MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of old martial arts movies and gin. Not all that devastated by the death of his hamster when all he wanted was some ice cream. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with not slaughtering literally every living being he encountered. It was at the age of 23 that he discovered bathing. Each withering moment was a step away from being less of an asshole that that his sense of honor demanded.
Slept with a village of hobos despite a painful recurring prolapse because his mother forced him to. After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent affair despite falling in love with a bunch of innocent bystanders. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes. Refusing to learn a lesson, he dedicated himself to drinking a lot and are kicking ass at that, as we all expected. "The thing is," says his commander, "He'd be a lot better at not completely getting the shit kicked out of him if he hugged a puppy once in a while. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!" Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling. Geek dating and social networking for awesome people. Sign Up. Join OtakuBooty! OtakuBooty is where smart, funny, sexy nerds meet. Creating an account is free. Full membership is $4/month or $15/year. Cheap! Press People. Need material? Cover OB for your site, blog, podcast, magazine, or what-have-you. More info » Want Your Stuff Reviewed By OB? Just send us your press releases and requests to review your products.