reagz

Age: 31
Gender: M
Location: Arabi, LA

Joined: 9 years ago on 07/13/04
Last Visit: 7 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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reagz is currently piloting MEATBALL AMBITION with The Virgin Queen

MEATBALL AMBITION's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Penis-Mounted Kick
• Untamed Foot Choke-Hold

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply much-needed blowjobs to friendly forces, even during the heartbreak of undercover skirmishes. Certainly historians will eventually salute the pilots for their role in Operation Flagrant Asskicking, during which most of Baltimore was destroyed in an effort to figure out what all of the buttons on the Jaeger's control panel actually did. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will really bum you out if the pilots don't really have their shit together. Everybody agrees: these pilots are admirable and nobody questions their dedication to choice of personal grooming habits.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was the kind of 'earthy' lesbian that has huge arms and is really into the Indigo Girls. Father was a terrifying cyborg. At an early age, showed much promise for not being a total fuck-up, but struggled with with bubble farts. It was at the age of 6 that he reached puberty. Decided to spend the next several years getting his ass kicked in a hidden youth hostel. Each suprisingly filthy beat-down was a step away from the kind of shit that his heart yearned for.

Actually managed to finally make make a friend despite a total lack of bowel control because he was the one foretold by the prophecy.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a splendid thing that legends are made of despite falling in love with nearly anybody that gave a shit. Thanks to his efforts, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was burned to the ground.

Following the heroic but sort of misguided Kaiju battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to General by a guy that wandered in off of the street and was pretty much just into promoting people.

"People need to understand, you can read the textbooks all you want," says one flight instructor. "But when you're actually out there trying to save the Earth, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything he taught you and adapt to the fucked-up situation right in front of you. If you don't, you're fucked. Believe me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.