bean

Age: 47
Gender: M
Location: Brooklyn, NY

Joined: 17 years ago on 08/05/04
Last Visit: 5 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: None

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bean is currently piloting HOTDOG SLEDGEHAMMER with MeowMix

HOTDOG SLEDGEHAMMER's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Triple-Jump-Kick Festival Festival
• Foot-Mounted Cannon

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash sporadic offense intended to annihilate the Kaiju by fucking up their brains. Cannot be damaged by violent attacks. In the past, the pilots' parents have been awestruck by the pilots' general cleanliness. The only question facing these pilots, who are bitter ex-lovers, is this: can they destroy the Kaiju without fucking up each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a loving parent. Father was a brillian scientist. At an early age, showed no promise for being good at doing giant robot stuff, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole.. It was at the age of 19 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. As time progressed, he learned the secrets of mayhem. Each joyful fuck-up was a step closer to the kind of shit that his parents expected from him.

Schooled at M.I.T. where he studied his own genitals for hours on end, where it soon became apparent that he was the type of person that never gets invited to parties. With a fighting style that combined the spirit of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with depressingly inconsistent passion, termed "Invincible Armadillo Style", he soon gained the praise of instructors.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a completely insane affair despite impregnating nearly anybody that gave a shit. Due to his actions, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was covered in sexual fluids.

Deciding to learn a lesson, he re-dedicated himself to embracing his inner sensuality and has been making some pretty good progress.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at something other than this if he started touching himself a little more. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs more nipple touching.