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Buster Machine No. 3558
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About LumenSimus

Age: 34
Gender: M
Location: , ???

Joined: 11 years ago on 03/28/05
Last Visit: 2 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 362 days from now

Public Photos

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  • You've viewed their Profile 3443 times
Would You Hit It? Would LumenSimus?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I'm Ian. I'm 29. Wooooo! A quarter-century of goodness-knows what. How has your time been?”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“I complete profiles...IN THE FUTURE! (stay tuned)”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Quest design for an MMO!”

What's your dream job?

“As much as I might enjoy simply writing for a living, I like having no real job description and being given leeway to solve problems on my, secret agent programmer singing generalist ninja surgeon au gratin. ...or something.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I have a government-issued apocalypse-survival manual dated 1968. It's full of duck-and-cover goodness!”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?


What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Friends, love, whatever. I'm open.”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Curious, eloquent, easygoing, funny.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“Regular-distance relationships are difficult enough -- if things go long-distance, there ought to be a damned good reason for it”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“Utena, Chrno Crusade, FMA, Gantz, Eva (sometimes), Bleach, Super Robot Taisen OG, Nausicaa, Princess Mononoke”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Anything - Saul Williams, Tegan and Sara, Radiohead, Of Montreal, Brother Ali, Sufjan Stevens, Sigur Ros, Steeleye Span, Regina Spektor, Franz Ferdinand, Mates of State, Arcade Fire, Elliott Smith, The Knife, The Decemberists..”

Into games? List your favorites!

“The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Star Control II, Final Fantasy VI, SotC, anything Megami Tensei, Super Mario World, Soul Calibur 4, Shadow Hearts, Portal, Guitar Hero, Panzer Dragoon Orta, Timesplitters, System Shock 1 and 2”

Steam Nickname


Other Online Gaming Info

“Team Fortress 2”

Jaeger Assignment

LumenSimus is currently piloting OVULATING BLACKJACK with Tsunade no Hime

OVULATING BLACKJACK's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Breast-Mounted Frying Pan
  • Elaborate Boomerang of Despair

DOSSIER: Job is is to confuse Kaiju and supply ferocious tax advice to soldiers. One rumored drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will blind everybody in a one-mile radius, pretty much ruining their lives, if the pilots don't really have their shit together. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are fun-loving and like nothing better than to aggressively fuck some Kaiju brains.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Raised by fairly normal parents in the idyllic slums of Transylvania. At an early age, showed great aptitude for playing the piano, but struggled with with drinking more than two or three beers without acting like an asshole.. It was at the age of 19 that he swore revenge. As time progressed, he mastered the techniques of sexual touching. Each enchanting yeast infection was a step closer to the sensitive touching that that his sense of honor demanded.

Became high school valedictorian despite being completely blind because of his burning passion to succeed. With a fighting style that combined the sexual prowess of a seasoned expert with depressingly inconsistent levels of violence, termed "Elegant Monkey Style", he soon gained the praise of hippies.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked crowd-pleaser despite killing basically everybody. Due to his actions, most of the town was destroyed and the rest was covered in sexual fluids.

Deciding to finally show a regard for common sense or even reality itself, he re-dedicated himself to attempting to pilot his Jaeger sober and as usual, is really shitting the bed.

"Listen up, rookie, you can study the training videos all day long," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there with the fate of the world in your hands, and you're completely drunk you better forget everything you think you know and react to the new situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. And trust me, this is one soldier who understands that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Just needs cuddling.

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