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sparkledonkey

Buster Machine No. 6276
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About sparkledonkey

Age: 35
Gender: F
Location: Seattle, WA

Joined: 8 years ago on 07/09/06
Last Visit: 3 days ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: Never!

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  • You've viewed their Profile 7182 times
Would You Hit It? Would sparkledonkey?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“Lynda Barry face and an R. Crumb booty”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm in an exclusive relationship.”

What do you do for fun?

“Pushing jokes too far and putting my butt on people. This may include fart noises.”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“Beast Master/Mathemagician”

What's your dream job?

“Professional puppy cuddler”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I'm spectresexual. A total incorporeal-whore-ial.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys or girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Here to make friends only”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“A tacomancer!”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“The court-mandated 100 yards seems less bothersome with a good pair of binoculars.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“24/7 POLKA PARTY”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“All y'all doodoobutts better go to Bootycon in my place, since I'm limited to local cons this year. Emerald City Comic Con, Geek Girl Con and possibly Rose City Comic Con. ”

Jaeger Assignment

sparkledonkey is currently piloting INFINITY NARWHAL with Seraphim

INFINITY NARWHAL's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Fist-Mounted Chainsaw Flood of Retribution
  • Mustache-Mounted Machete

DOSSIER: Job is is to confuse Kaiju and supply ferocious counseling services to basically anybody who asks. Top-secret scuttlebutt indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Resilient Derelict, a plan to use a game-changing, secret doomsday device to ensure inflation. Perhaps that one of its most famous moments of the war occured during Operation Erotic Nightmare when the pilots sacrificed countless homeless drunks in order to save its reputation. One inconvenient drawback of this Jaeger type is that under very rare circumstances it will really bum you out just when the pilots are starting to have fun. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are terrifying and nobody questions their dedication to alcohol tolerance.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Mother was a migrant worker. Father was a terrifying cyborg. Existence didn't really change much when imaginary friends were killed by jealous bitches. It was at the age of 6 that she dedicated herself to vengeance. Spent the next several seconds battling for her life in a hidden homeless shelter. Each surpising fuck-up was a step away from being less of an asshole that her heart yearned for.

Became high school valedictorian despite a total lack of bowel control because her mother forced her to.

She soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking her way into a Jaeger, her first fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked failure despite "accidentally" killing everybody in the Western Hemisphere. According to survivors, most of the city was saved and the rest was a goddamn mess.

Following the touching clusterfuck, pilot was reluctantly promoted to the general's dogwalker by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "She'd be a lot better at saving the Earth if she started touching herself a little more. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.

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