darkelegantangel

Age: 26
Gender: M
Location: Chicago, IL

Joined: 7 years ago on 07/13/06
Last Visit: 5 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 26145 days from now

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darkelegantangel is currently piloting EAGLE FERRET with elysion

EAGLE FERRET's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Taint-Mounted Battle-Axe Attack
• Elaborate Machine Gun

DOSSIER: Role is is to insult Kaiju and supply much-needed counseling services to friendly forces. May be vulnerable to emotions. Perhaps historians will eventually forgive the pilots for their role in Operation Heroic Ragnarok, during which most of Yankee Stadium was destroyed in an effort to blow off some steam. One known drawback of this Jaeger type is that it may cause incurable cancer unless both pilots have been circumcised by the same doctors. Make no doubt about it: these pilots are erotic and nobody questions their dedication to dedication to partying.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of popcorn and tough love. Life was transformed permanently when imaginary friends were eaten by giant robots, which is kind of a recurring hime here. It was at the age of 5 that he stopped being a huge pussy. Each withering day was a step closer to becoming a true sexual being, and was all that that his sense of honor demanded.

Unlocked his inner unicorn in a den of thieves where he studied astrophysics, where it soon became apparent that absolutely nobody was ever going to give a shit about him.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his first fight against a kaiju was a completely insane thing that legends are made of despite infuriating his mother. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju that had absolutely zero friends.

When the dust settled after the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was angrily promoted to potato peeler, first class by a guy that wandered in off of the street and was pretty much just into promoting people.

"The thing is," says his best friend, "He'd be a lot better at piloting giant robots if he stopped being an asshole. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: Will perform if given enough gummi bears.