Tim

Age: 38
Gender: M
Location: Bellevue, WA

Joined: 7 years ago on 07/18/06
Last Visit: 1 hour ago
Type: Lifetime Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
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Tim is currently piloting LACTATING MERMAID with Twinkle

LACTATING MERMAID's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Seeping Caress of Sexuality
• Justice Uppercut Technique

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to supply ferocious massages to friendly forces, even during the frenzy of covert skirmishes. Classified rumors indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Unyielding Hogwarts, a plan to use a game-changing, truly astonishing nuclear weapon to end this war for human survival. May be vulnerable to emotions. During the Battle Of Texas, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to maintain an emotionless expression while simultaneously displaying outstanding combat effectivness. Frequently, media pundits have envied the pilots' sexual health. Everybody agrees: these pilots are admirable and nobody questions their dedication to choice of personal grooming habits.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Robot family provided a strict diet of love and intellectual stimulation. Not really affected by the death of his hamster guys that really knew how to party, in his own way. At an early age, showed much promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with chapped nipples. It was at the age of 19 that he discovered bathing. As time progressed, he mastered the techniques of oral hygeine. Each suprisingly filthy fuck-up was a step away from the kind of shit that most people would stay the fuck away from.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because of having nothing better to do. With a fighting style that combined the spirit of the toughest son-of-a-bitch you ever met with frankly unnecessary power, termed "Invincible Hulk Style", he soon gained the erections of some homeless guy.

During one drunken night, he stole a Jaeger and his debut fight against a kaiju was a rousing thing that legends are made of despite "accidentally" killing nearly anybody that gave a shit. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with an unexplained fondness for show tunes.

Following the grueling Kaiju battle, pilot was immediately promoted to General by pretty much the only other person that was still alive.

"The thing is," says his commander, "He'd be a lot better at shit in general if he opened up his hearts. But that's what makes a good soldier, right?"

Psyche eval recommendation: May be unfit for duty.