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ash

Buster Machine No. 8075
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About ash

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Natchitoches, LA

Joined: 10 years ago on 01/13/07
Last Visit: 13 days ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 85 days from now

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Would You Hit It? Would ash?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“I WILL RIP OUT YOUR HEART AND FUCK YOUR SOUL”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“Drawing, work”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I stab people repeatedly with needles shortly after shaving and lubing them. But only after they pay me.”

What's your dream job?

“Assassin”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“Used a vacuum cleaner on a stripper”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“I'm here to stalk John Booty”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“Someone who isn't boring”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“Challenging”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“See above”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Fucking metal”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“Akira, Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D, Wicked City, Venus wars, Fist of the North Star, Princess Mononoke”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Ace combat, Zone of Enders”

XBox Live! Gamertag

“billgatescansuckonmytaint”

Other Online Gaming Info

“Deanimator”

Jaeger Assignment

ash is currently piloting STALWART JUGGERNAUT with Laurana

STALWART JUGGERNAUT's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Manticore's Punch of Salvation
  • Rambunctious Fist Wedgie Barrage

DOSSIER: Job is to unleash lightning-like offense designed to pulverize the Kaiju by fingerbanging their brains. Top-secret whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Magical Rumble, a plan to use an experimental, new concentrated energy blast to end Obamacare. May be vulnerable to emotions. Perhaps that one of its most controversial moments of the war occured during Operation Resilient Asskicking when the pilots sacrificed countless condemned criminals in order to save money on car insurance. Everybody agrees: these pilots are erotic and like nothing better than to smash some Kaiju faces.

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Abusive family provided a strict diet of lima beans and gin. Deeply aroused by the painful goiter loss of his favorite hobo lover at the age of three. At an early age, showed no promise for being able to walk in a straight line, but struggled with with not slaughtering literally every living being he encountered. It was at the age of 19 that he dedicated himself to vengeance. Eventually, he totally failed to unlock the techniques of Hokuto Shinken. Each erotic day was a step closer to the kind of shit that his parents expected from him.

Unlocked his inner unicorn by the school of life where he studied some crazy advanced shit... I don't know, lasers or something... where it soon became apparent that he was literally drunk the entire time, twenty-four hours a day.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his debut fight against a kaiju was a disturbingly violent crowd-pleaser despite falling in love with basically everybody. This was achieved despite seriously fucking up a Kaiju with extremely low self-esteem.

In the aftermath of the grueling battle, pilot was reluctantly promoted to the newly-created title of Lord Not-To-Be-Fucked-With by a particularly gentlemanly hobo who wondered that all the ruckus was about.

"People need to understand, you can beat your dick to YouTube videos all you want," says one commanding officer. "But when you're actually out there partying, and somebody offers you a beer you better forget everything you learned and adapt to the fucked-up situation no matter how high you are. If you don't, basically everybody is going to die. And trust me, this is one pilot who will never have any clue about that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Could save us all someday.

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