lordwindowlicker

Age: 35
Gender: M
Location: Mc Lean, VA

Joined: 13 years ago on 01/24/07
Last Visit: 11 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 270 days from now

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lordwindowlicker is currently piloting GOLDEN BASTARD with Covered in Clay

GOLDEN BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:

• Spectacular Chop
• Bumblebee's Sword

DOSSIER: Likes to help other Jaeger pilots by improving their party capabilities. Top-secret whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Stalwart Magical, a plan to use an unbelievable, new nuclear weapon to ensure the designated hitter rule. Cannot be damaged by violent enemy attacks. During the Battle Of Topeka, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to unleash devastating attacks while simultaneously displaying outstanding ability to chug a six-pack. The only question facing these pilots, who have been friends since childhood, is this: can they crush the Kaiju without speed-humping each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by mongooses in the tranquil foothills of Dayton. At an early age, showed great aptitude for being a pickpocket, but struggled with with watercolor painting. It was at the age of 6 that he had his entire body replaced by cyborg components. Each withering yeast infection was a step away from being less of an asshole that his parents expected from him.

Became high school valedictorian despite being addicted to blowjobs because his mother forced him to.

After becoming a Jaeger Pilot, his first fight against a kaiju was a splendid failure despite killing the old lady down the block. According to survivors, most of the city was saved and the rest was incinerated.

In the aftermath of the touching clusterfuck, pilot was angrily promoted to the general's dogwalker by that guy nobody really talked to but apparently had the power to promote people, so whatever.

"You, you can read the textbooks all day long," says one homeless guy on a park bench. "But when you're actually out there fighting an unknown giant monster from another fucking dimension, and you have a dick in your mouth you better forget everything Mommy said and react to the new situation at hand. If you don't, you might as well be playing for the Mets. And trust me, this is one crazy asshole who totally gets that."

Psyche eval recommendation: Needs copious amounts of coddling.