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Oliphaunt

Buster Machine No. 8623
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About Oliphaunt

Age: 34
Gender: M
Location: Edmonton, AB

Joined: 7 years ago on 01/29/07
Last Visit: 21 months ago
Type: Gold Member
Paid Member Privileges: Yes
Privileges Expire: 459 days from now

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  • You've viewed their Profile 3480 times
Would You Hit It? Would Oliphaunt?

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Tell Us About Yourself...

Say hello, and tell us a bit about yourself!

“This is an example of mouseover text... RUN HORRIBLY AMUCK”

Current Relationship Status

“I'm single.”

What do you do for fun?

“I am a practicing thespian. I practice and I practice and I practice... sometimes I even get it right!”

What do you do? You know- job, school, freelance sorcery, etc.

“I am a temp now! So, Christ, I don't even know, man. I just don't know.”

What's your dream job?

“Trans-oceanic passenger jet pilot. Or zombie hunter.”

Tell a funny story about yourself, or about something funny you own!

“I didn't go to school naked, but I did give a five-minute presentation once with my fly open. I guess it worked, I got the highest mark.”

Who Are You Looking For?

Which gender are you interested in?

“Guys or girls!”

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

“Here to make friends only”

Describe the sort of person you're looking for!

“A World War 2 veteran who has also been to the moon. I don't know if anybody has done both of those. I'll go check.”

Do you think long distance relationships can work?

“They can be fun when done properly.”

Anime, Manga and Other Nerdy Stuff

Name some of your favorite anime and manga...

“FLCL, Evangelion, Akira, Princess Mononoke and Perfect Blue. Y'know, stuff you can dance to.”

What's some of your favorite music? What have you been listening to lately?

“Punk, lounge, metal, folk, rock, blues, rap, ochestral. But no f*ckin' country.”

What are some anime/manga/gaming-related interests you have? Watching anime, cons, collecting cels, etc...

“I pretty much just do anime boxsets right now. Complete series of stuff, because I have neither the time nor the fiduciary means to collect a long-running series three eps at a time on DVDs. That and I spent good money on the complete GTO manga.”

If you go to conventions, what upcoming cons are you attending?

“none. :(”

Into games? List your favorites!

“Team Fortress 2! And probably some others. There's others right?”

Steam Nickname

“Nehaled”

Other Online Gaming Info

“TF2 and CS:S, to an extent.”

Jaeger Assignment

Oliphaunt is currently piloting WOMBAT BASTARD with Devil Fruit Bubble Tea

WOMBAT BASTARD's special combat abilities are known to include:

  • Ill-Advised Knuckles
  • Joyfulness Tackle

DOSSIER: Primary function is is to pulverize Kaiju and supply ferocious massages to civilians. Classified whispers indicates this Jaeger is part of Operation Heroic Asskicking, a plan to use a fucked-up, truly astonishing nuclear weapon to end Obamacare. May be vulnerable to party drugs. During the Battle Of London, pilots displayed an unprecedented ability to remain calm while simultaneously displaying outstanding general cleanliness. The only question facing these pilots, who everybody is pretty sure are direct blood relatives, is this: can they take a huge shit on the Kaiju without slaughtering each other first?

MOST RECENT PSYCHE EVALUATION: Parented by robots in the peaceful suburbs of Mexico City. Not really affected by the cyborg conversion of father when all he wanted was some ice cream. At an early age, showed no promise for playing the piano, but struggled with with basically everything else. It was at the age of 5 that he discovered bathing. Each surpising day was a step toward the kind of shit that his heart yearned for.

Became high school valedictorian despite a painful recurring prolapse because of his immense determination.

He soon joined the Robot Army and, after sucking and fucking his way into a Jaeger, his debut fight against a kaiju was a limp-dicked thing that legends are made of despite falling in love with nearly anybody that gave a shit. This was achieved despite fighting a Kaiju with unmatched power and ferocity.

Refusing to get a clue, he dedicated himself to shaving his pubes and is basically doing alright.

"The thing is," says a classmate, "He'd be a lot better at fucking up some fucking Kaiju if he took my dick out of his mouth once in a while. But ya gotta love that. This is the pilot I want on our side next time the Kaiju attack!"

Psyche eval recommendation: Does not meet expectations.

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