GENERAL ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: The platypus. Runner-up: wombats!

ANIMAL THAT WOULD FUCK YOU UP THE HARDEST: The Komodo dragon! Probably other animals could kill you more quickly but i think one of the nastiest deaths you could face would be getting torn up by a komodo dragon and dying of horrible bacterial infections even if you intitally lived. That's so much more metal than being just rolled on by a blue whale or something. Piranhas are pretty brutal too but they need to team up so it doesn't count.

BEST BUTT IN THE ENTIRE ANIMAL KINGDOM: Those monkeys with bright pink butts. I mean seriously guys I'm not into animal rear-ends, but that's awesome.

MOST SCREWED-UP MATING RITUALS EVER: Praying mantises (manti?) and any other creature where it is customary for the female to decapitate the male after copulation. That is totally not sexy at all. Runner-up: Jersey girls.

THE "WTF?" AWARD: Whatever this thing is.

MOST INTENSE ANIMAL EVER: Probably Chupacabras because that thing is totally out of control.

I am giving this post a rating of...