STRAIGHT TALKIN' WITH JTARI: Fanfiction Sucks. VASH X WOLFWOOD TO THE XTREME!
I know, that’s a pretty bold statement for a title, but I just decided not to dance around the subject at hand.
Might even be strange, because I got flamed for my last article, on FROZEN JAPANESE NOVELTIES THAT TASTE LIKE SEMEN, so with a expose on fanfiction, it is like asking for angry Otaku’s to come to my house and burn me on a cross. And piss it out. And have sex with my ashes.
So yes, do please send me your messages that lack grammar and basic punctuation! It gives me a laugh.
So, read on. For you will find more witty remarks and MY OWN YAOI VASHxWOLFWOOD FANFICTION!!!11oeneonoeneoneone
I guess I have never really understood the whole idea of the fandom. Maybe it was once pure and had good intentions, but it seems to have degenerated into poorly written stories, with the words “throbbing, penis, and wet sex” in almost ever sentence. Also, since the characters are more often than not, pre made, with a personality and story of their own, I never saw the mass amount of creativity involved.
It’s kind of like,
“Lets take Goku…pair him up with Legolas…make some sort of connection…and put them in a steamy situation that involves a lot of rape!”
And there you go. Fanfiction story of the week on fanfiction.net.
And speaking of fanfiction.net, I actually wrote an extremely bad/great parody Fanfiction, which I actually got a lot of comments on, and it was BANNED. They never explained why either, maybe it was because I had figured out the formula, or I was really fucking good. So for your pleasure, I decided to add my story in the article!
"It was a nice day in July City. You could feel the warm sensual wind flowing in the air. Wolfwood and Vash walked together, their sweaty sexy bodies; right next to each other, in harmony, both with a secret yearning. They both decided that they were getting tired and that it was time to "relax" so they found a local motel and decided to stay there. When they entered the room, they realized there was only one bed, so they both sat down on opposite sides, holding in their desires for sweet sweet penis. Then Wolfwood, deciding that the quiet was too much asked:
"Vash, do you like Pirates"
And Vash responded,
"Why yes Wolfwood, I find that they are very sexy, why do you ask?"
Then Wolfwood muttered, "Vash, I wanna be your pirate.... please take me all night long"
A wide grin spread on Vash's face, for he liked Pirates more than even little boys, animals, or inanimate objects.
It was at this time that Vash and Wolfwood were starting to feel and understand their underlying homoerotic tendencies, and they wanted to explore each other together, as pirates.
Wolfwood reached into his bag, and pulled out two fetish Pirate costumes, that he had purchased at the " SHOP OF MALE ON MALE GAY SEX TO THE EXTREME ALL NIGHT LONG " store, that he secretly went to after telling Vash he was going to the church to say some hail marys.
" We should put these on first", Wolfwood giggled, and pushed the costume into Vash's trembling and yearning hands. And they both went to opposite sides of the room.
When Vash slowly took off his coat, he realized that his throbbing hot member was completely erect, and seeking an asshole or nook to be stuck in. He blushed just thinking about bending Wolfwood over.
Wolfwood undressed quickly and put on his Pirate gear with haste, though he did steal a peak of Vash, his backside and could only mutter,
"What a hot sexy piece of ass. Just waiting for me to splooge all over, oh man, I can't wait to suck on his lollypop." His salty, warm lollypop with a cream center.
When they turned around, Wolfwood let out a big chuckle and said,
"I don't think we are going to be needing any lube tonight! I think we will be able to make all the lubrication naturally..."
Wolfwood licked his lips.
Wolfwood then attempted to make his way over to Vash, his faux peg leg hindering him a bit, but making him even more authentic, even sexier.
Wolfwood embraced Vash,
" I’m happy to have my first time with you, I’m hoping it won't hurt to much"
The two kissed, and Wolfwood pressed his long tongue against Vash's lips and he allowed them to enter, their tongues playing with each other, and massaging, while Vash lightly stroked Wolfwood's package through his tight leather pants.
Vash giggled and moaned softly and said,
"I hope that’s not the only thing that goes inside me tonight..."
Wolfwood then replied,
"I’m glad, I had some special, un-conventional ideas, you see..."
Wolfwood stared at his peg leg, long, thick and wooden.
Vash realized and bent over,
"Put it in me, hard and rough, IM YOUR BITCH"
Vash then proceeded to bend over in front Wolfwood, who took his long hard wooden stick of ultimate pleasure and crammed it in Vash’s quivering asshole, spinning, shaking, and spinning its way up and down in Vash’s rectum.
At first Vash thought he was dying, for he had a long wooden object stuck up his ass, but then he remembered it was Wolfwood’s long wooden object and it was all good.
Wolfwood was starting to get tired after while, it was very hard work on many levels, and his large erect sweating pulsating hard hot sweaty cock was about to rip through his leather pants.
“Its your turn big guy.” Vash slapped Wolfwood’s tight ass and pulled down his pants.
This revealed heaven. If you like cock that is. A long, slender, sweaty, salty, erect, pulsating, throbbing, well hung, large, hot, hard, elephant like trunk, of a cock/member/penis/shaft stuck out at him.
“Don’t get too close, might poke your eye out!”
Oh, but Vash got close, very close indeed. Vash took his warm hot mouth and licked the tip of Wolfwood’s shaft, and then realized that he craved it too much and slid Wolfwood’s entire member in his mouth. He moved his wet mouth, up and down, left to right, right to left, in figure eights, all around Wolfwood’s man piece while grabbing his hott ass.
“ Oh, Vash, I’m going to cum in your mouth, right now, do you want that?” Wolfwood asked to the euphoric Vash.
Vash didn’t stop, he indeed wanted it. And slowly and surely, Wolfwood’s creamy special salty sauce flowed all throughout Vash’s mouth, flowing through every crevice. He swallowed it all down and smiled.
For he had gotten to the center of Wolfwood’s Lollypop, in approximately 60 licks and 39 jerks.
“ Its my turn to cum Father Wolfwood!”
Wolfwood put his pants on.
“Hey fuck you man, I'm gone.” Wolfwood put on his pants and walked away.
Vash still on his knees, white substance on his face, looked up shocked.
After about 5 minutes Vash muttered out quietly,
“ Wow, guys really do suck cock.”
Yes folks that was banned from fanfiction.net! Oddly enough, they actually have an Anne Frank and Goku slash up, which I guess must be much more morally right than peg legs and ass fucking.
The truth is, anyone can write fanfiction.
“And Legolas shot a huge, throbbing, arrow of meat right between Goku’s ass cheeks.”
And so with that, my humble opinion may not be a very nice one, but hell, someone has got to say the truth sometime. Yea, I know I am an asshole.
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